Wow, that’s a hard one! I used to always think that the perfect life was just around the bend – if I just lived on a commune with hippies, then I’d be happy – if I didn’t have to work a 9-5 job, then I’d be happy – if I was a rock star, then I’d be happy – if I could just find my hands and reach Carlos Castaneda’s second attention, then I’d be happy - if I could just run a recording studio out of my house, then I’d be happy – if I could teach yoga and be a shiatsu therapist, then I’d be happy – If I could just unravel my ego, then…
It seemed that whenever I moved in the direction of “around the bend”, the bend moved. So I learned to move toward these imagined bends of nirvana with a full understanding that they would always morph into another bend long before I could reach the original turn. I also realized that the distortion of each bend was directionally proportionate to the velocity of my approach.
So I’ve developed a side-winding method of movement, venturing ahead in a zig-zagging pattern so as to not disturb the fickle destinations which ensnare my attention. Whenever possible, I try to employ a personalized version of Don Juan and Don Genero’s “Controlled Folly” – To act with the utmost purpose during every action, but never caring about the ultimate outcome.
This change in perception has served me well in many aspects of my life, but I’m unwilling to apply the esoteric paradigm to my personal relationships. I imagine this type of detachment to feel like the way food tasted when I was on the Atkins Diet. (I don’t think this analogy will make sense unless you’ve experienced the sensation of cutting out ALL carbohydrates and only eaten fats and proteins for three months straight).
So, you ask – What do I want to be when I grow up? And to that I reply, it doesn’t really matter as long as I have predilections and pursue them with both tenacity and whimsy, never at the expense of my personal relationships.